Thread:Mirrordeath/@comment-24.84.135.107-20171106052239/@comment-24.84.135.107-20171106063705

Okay.

All of your characters are stereotypes of what they represent. How can anyone take a law story seriously when all the characters found in it are complete jokes? Look at the french(?) girl, you basically took the most sterotypical thing about French people and slapped it on her character. Quirks don't make characters, characters make quirks.

"Unlike most devil nobles, who act like cutouts from Victorian England [...] " (Jaryn Andras), this is completely wrong. As quoted from a friend of mine, "How the architecture looks is in no way an indicative of how people act". Comon, name one devil that acts like a cutout from Victorian England.

"He despises Japanese people and their country, often labeling Japanese people as 'weeaboos' and the country of Japan as a 'stinking weeaboo land' in his thoughts [...]" (James Bradely). The fact that you completely misused a world in your characterization of your protagonist is baffling. A weeaboo is someone who has denounced their own culture/ethnicity to be "Japanese". How can a Japanese person denounce Japan to be Japanese? It makes no sense.

"subsequently he wielded it against Diodora Astaroth and subsequent ORC incursions that he found himself" ("Saber", James Bradely). I haven't read your story, but if this is what actually happened when you set him up to be a normal lawyer, I really don't know what to say.

And finally, the elephant in the house; making Angels OP.

By making Angels OP, you created a huge flaw in like, 5 different characters at once. Sirzechs, for one, is completely undermined. He's supposed to be "the unreachable goal" that Issei has, but your Angels completely destroy his character. He's completely OOC, like you said. Like yes, I know; it's a fanfiction. However, people read fanfictions for a few reasons: getting a better ending, getting an ending, to read about their favorite characters more, to induce in smut, or to read about what happens after the story. When you make Sirzechs so OOC, it's typically better to just scrap Sirzechs as a character entirely and make a new character to fulfill the empty spot. When I read "Sirzechs" I expect the "greatest Devil, the strongest, and the most powerful." But the fact that you made Angels so overpowered just make him seem so much more lame when you have nigh-omnipotent beings just flapping around.

If you have any questions and or comments, please leave them so I can give some more reviews. I don't want to mean any harm; don't take anything as offence here. I'll tell you for sure, you're definitely better than some writers.