Thread:兵藤 一誠/@comment-22439-20150726183741/@comment-24421137-20151114040212

K Just read volume 1. How to put it? Details.

You're not really describing what's going on you assume we automatically know what's going on in your head. Details is what is lacking here. Explain the powers, explain the look of the characters, also the fights are ended pretty abruptly and unexplained, it feels like we have to fill in the holes and the characters are unexplained. Really this feels like it jumping around from place to place. Like Shar was looking at the time and then, he starts talking to the audience, I assume. Why? I recommend keeping it in one person and only one person or else people will get confused. If you are going to do something like that maybe put a special section for it, not in the actual story but still in the volume.

It could be a really enjoyable read if you just explained these things so we as the viewer can understand what is happening.

Hope I helped in some way. And hope the next volume is as good as you say.